have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

don't worry. i'm not dead.

just a little behind.

i've lots to say. kind of.

so i'll post later this evening (which is morning utah time) about yesterday and today.

with a few pictures.

which is a big deal, since i never really take any anymore.

anyway.

just wanted to say i'm not dead. yet.

but for now, i have to go get diapers from scala 1,

and head to spitalul.

pa, pa, pa.

the sun is shining, it's a brand new day.

sometimes i'm walking down the street,

and i remember that i'm in a city (and country)

that a lot of people have never heard of.

a place that's not even remotely touristy.

and even if people have heard of it,

they don't know where it is on a map.

and then i quickly wonder why that is.

just a thought.

i kind of like the lack of tourists.

only natives. and students.

and i kind of like being in a hidden place.

not hidden, just skipped over by most.

which is a serious mistake in my opinion.

skipping over this place, i mean.

i love romania.

i love iași.

i love these people.

i love this culture.

and most of all,

i love these children.

i think everyone would, if only they were willing

to give it the chance it deserves.

a chance to be understood, accepted, and adored.

there's so much more to these people and this place than meets the eye.

just like a waving flag.

it makes me sad that i can't really enormously tell a lot about everything i'm doing here. because i love it. but that's ok. c'est la vie.

today we went outside for awhile at a playground outside of section 2 with a few of my kids. interesting experience? yes.

today one of my girls had a major attack of the giggles. like major. everything i did, she just about died of laughter. it was hilarious. and the other kids kept looking at her like she was completely insane. it made my day.

i think my kids are maybe a little bit starting to recognize me. maybe. it's still under debates. especially with some more than others.

i heard one of my kids laugh for the first time today. like really laugh and giggle. usually he doesn't make a sound at all and is rather content at all times. but he was actually making noises and laughing when i tickled him.

one of my other kids always laughs with the most perfect laugh when he gets tickled. i wish i could bottle it up. it brings instant happiness just to hear it. and see it.

genius boy is a smarty. and has a little attitude. it's funny to watch. especially when it comes to him doing things he doesn't really want to do.

i feel like i have a lot of research to do. i really want to be able to serve these kids in the most effective possible way for them individually. and in order to do so, i need to do more research about what is going on with their bodies and minds to discover the best ways to play with them. it's never-ending. fascinating, really. there's so much to learn.

i feel like i'm behind on new music. i don't listen to music as often here. and i'm going to come back in 2 and a half months and be embarrassingly behind. aka, those of you in america should keep me updated on new music finds. it would be greatly appreciated. i'll get around to listening to anything people send me at some point or another.

speaking of information from those stalking me. i feel like some family of mine or even the random readers might have some insights to share for the following:

does anyone have any good ideas on helping a kid learn to count? one of our kids is most definitely not a fan of it, and he's stubborn too. and they've been working on it for awhile now. any new suggestions? let me know. email me if you want to chat or want more information. or have good ideas. i'd love to hear.

also, if anyone is an expert on fetal alcohol syndrome: come talk to me. that's one i don't know a lot about. and i want to learn. any insights would be appreciated.

cool? cool.

member how i love this place?

member how i love my kids?

member how i love what i get to do every day?

life is so satisfying right now.

last night i realized that once june starts, our last two months will go by fast. especially july. that last month will fly by. part of me feels like there's a ton of time left, and the other part of me feels like it's all so short and ending too soon.

for now? i plan to soak it all up.

pa!

p.s. i'm being serious when i say i love hearing from people from the states and about their lives. just saying. i got an email from sarah (my old roommate) today, who is currently in england on study abroad. and another from laursy. as well as some family members. i might have died it was so exciting for me to have something to read and laugh about and feel connected to.

but beyond that: i love romania. i'm nowhere near ready to come home. then again, i don't know if i ever will be.

na na na na na.

one of the little babes at the hospital kept saying na na na na na today. it was completely adorable. also, romanian babies have the most beautiful eyes and eyelashes in the world. ok, so most babies do. but they amp it up to a whole new level of gorgeous eyes and forever long eyelashes. kills me every time. they're completely gorgeous.

member how there's this brilliant kiddo in section 2? welp, as i said yesterday, kylee and me were trained on working with him. but today, we just went outside with him. they have a trampoline now, which must be new. it's super rad. and he completely loved it. i love this. also, i love the workers. they are so funny and kind. and the kids. let's be honest. they're adorable.

my kids are even adorable when one of their heads is thrashing as i try to hold them down to stop them from going to do something naughty, and it bangs into my zygomatic bone super hard. don't even worry. my cheek is only a little bit red and swollen. it's all good. my cheeks are always reddish anyway. the thing about the room i'm in, is that all the kids have distinct personalities that tend to err on the side of being slightly picky or ornery. or it takes a wee bit of time and patience to calm them down. or something. i don't even know how to explain it. i'm still working on figuring them out. add in the heat, and let's just say i'm exhausted 100 percent of the time. and being sweaty, frizzy-haired, and smelling odd has become the norm. obviously i'm a beautiful sight to see. obviously. aka, i've never looked so gross so many days in a row, and yet showered so often in all my life. minus maybe that awkward stage. that was no good. anyways. go figure. 

you know how europe and europeans kind of have this peculiar smell to them? i think i'm starting to smell like that. i don't even know what the deal is. even when i shower. i've come to the conclusion that it must be the water. good thing i don't drink that water. my insides would smell weird too. bahaha. jokes.

at the hospital today, i saw four adorable babies. and i've concluded there are many little babies that i'm going to bring home with me. hope byu doesn't mind me having them in my apartment with me. i'm sure they'd love it. bahahaah. but seriously. i want to bring them all home with me!

tonight i seriously need to buckle down and write my culture proof write-ups. i've been a maaajor slacker in that regard. the writing them up part, i mean. it's bad. crack down time is coming. after dinner, of course. and maybe a little nap. haaaahaha. but really. i'm being serious.

fun fact: our electricity is out right now. and spent the entire day and last night flickering. excellent. a day in the life.

was today completely and totally solid? you better believe it.

mostly because i really feel like i'm actually doing something. and enjoying it. a full routine.

i completely love this. i'm not afraid to admit it.

yeah, it's not exactly easy. at the hospital especially, we literally have to love 'em and leave 'em.

but i keep loving them when i'm not with them.

and i think about my section 2 kiddies all the time.

and i feel like they're starting to recognize me from day to day.

i figure feeling a little bit of love, even if only for a short time, is better than never at all.

don't you?

sigur, da.

enduring and enriching.

Part of enduring well consists of being meek enough,

amid our suffering, to learn from our relevant experiences.

Rather than simply passing through these things,

they must pass through us and do so in ways

which sanctify these experiences for our good.

Thereby, our empathy, too, is enriched and everlasting.

Neal A. Maxwell

let me show you what you're missing: paradise.

after a bieber-filled fhe tonight, we went to the longoși stand/pizzeria/cafe thing that's right near the villa (church) just like we did after institute last week. ok, so it wasn't really bieber-filled. just a little bit. we played spoons. and musical chairs. i'm straight up being dead serious right now. haaaahaha. that's where the biebster comes in. for the musical chairs, some of the songs were his. aka, eenie meenie. so it was stuck in our heads. fitting? yes.

last week i got longoși, so i wanted to try something new! don't worry. longoși is super great. but when in romania, you know? so i got something that, unfortunately i don't remember what it was called. i'll have to look into that. it started with p, and had a silent i at the end. but beyond that i'm lost. it was like a pretzel looking thing with chocolate covering the ends. but it was more like baklava or a croissant. honey-esque and nice and flaky like a croissant, but obviously hard around the edges where it baked. with chocolate on top. ok, so it was completely delicious. straight up. and i realize i just spent an entire paragraph talking about this. but if you tried it, you'd understand. or maybe you wouldn't. c'est la vie. i loved it.

amanda and me with our goods. she had longoși with chocolate inside, and i had the p-named pastry thing.

(sorry i'm so cute all the time. there's something about romania.

and then sweat on top of it that makes my hair completely ridiculous.

i don't even understand. i'd work on it, but it's kind of hopeless in the heat and humidity plus kidlets.)

 see what i mean? seriously. so so good. anyway. mischief managed.

in a completely unrelated note, here's our group at our dinner last night! that's our living room. aka, my bedroom. (the couch is my bed for the summer.) haaa. and outside the door is our hall and front door. aka, the only place in our apartment where we get an internet connection from afar.

 left to right:

melissa, roslyn, michael, amanda, kylee, breanne, & rebecca.

also, i think it's funny that michael pulls a face in almost every single picture. instead of smiling.

just sayin. haaaha.

that is all.

peppers, cakes, bites, and scratches.

at church yesterday, i understood a whole bunch. it was exciting, obviously.

we had stuffed peppers and cake balls for dinner and dessert together. delish. yep, i just said it.

last night i got to chat with fam bam! super exciting. and also kind of weird. just chillin' in my hallway that has internet talking into a computer. such is life.

i may or may not spend 5-10 minutes every night before i fall asleep giving myself a pep talk. and convincing myself that a creepy romanian is not going to climb onto our balcony and jump through the windows and kill me. or rather, make me die of fright. literally, death by terror. maybe it really does impact why i'm always so tired? i'm stressin out. ha. but never fear. the big moon the past few nights helped. last night was just dark. don't worry, i'm getting better. though my room is creepy in the dark.
member how when i was little, i was convinced my picture books turned into owls that would peck my eyes out in the dark? the shadows are freaky. obviously. and then when the light got turned on, they magically became picture books again. that's how the cabinets in my front room are. things could be hiding in them. like monsters. just sayin.

i went outside with some of my kiddies today! even though they scream a fair amount in some regards, especially in the process of getting outside, they totally love it. even if it's secretly. it was great.

and then today kylee and me and melissa got trained more fully on working with one of the kids at section 2 on the computer, which we had started learning about while still in provo. excellent. i'm super excited to start working with it.

one of my kiddies has a strong jaw. well, all the kids are awfully strong. but this one definitely has been getting good calcium for strong bones. and it's working well on her jaw and teeth. because they have some serious clamping power. that is all i have to say about that. ha.

i've concluded that after this summer i'll forever have permanent random scars on my hands. it's fine. i'm used to it. ha.

good thing my kids are completely adorable. and completely perfect. they would never be naughty. they smile and giggle, and love to swing. ok, so that's a lie. we're working on the naughty things. never fear.

i feel like i've been here more than just two weeks. tonight it will be an official two full weeks. time goes fast, eh? but it's been a full two weeks as well. and this is only just the beginning! thrilling.

just a quickie update. more later. perhaps.

two hundred??

member this place?

today, michael, roslyn, amanda, and me had some fun in preparing for our sunday dinner. it's our turn for the main course, and scala 1 will bring dessert. welp, let's just say that every seller in that market knows us at this point. ha. we had some fun.

280 is not 280 lei. it's 28. never fear. haaaahahahaha.

parsley. bagged? fresh? no? yes? oh shoot. we needed that.

five cents?? fifty. nice try.

i had some raw meat on the change from when we bought meat. siickkk.

all in all, a successful day, eh? haahaha. and there are some flowers, i think they're peonies? and they are completely stunning, and all over the streets and market the past few days. never fear. tonight i finally bought a little vase type thing, so i can buy flowers! this is super exciting. just saying.

after a bit of cooking, a few of us wandered around all over iași. visited a few churches, did lots of people watching. super great. i love this place. and i love that i'm starting to know my way around. to some extent, at least. it's a beautiful place.

yes that is a gold roof. neat? i know.

so this dog was just sitting in the middle of this one way street. that cars go a million miles an hour on. haaa. so the girl pulled him out. then again, cars go a million miles an hour on every road. i would never drive here. ever. i'd die. fast.

 my favorite road in romania so far. it's so quaint, and just barely off the way from a main road. i love it.

and i may or may not have a thing for tree-lined streets.

and tonight most of our big group did some wandering around one of the nicest malls i've ever seen. there's a waterfall wall in it. crazy, huh? iulius mall. we had dinner and then did some exploring. also, they had some way cute things. but never in my life would i pay that much for anything. sooo yeah. but still.

and now we're watching star trek. nerday. but i like it a lot. it reminds me of when i was little and my brothers would watch the tv show. call me nerd all you want. i secretly love it. just like my love of star wars that started young thanks to my brothers and the ricks cousins. member how we used to watch like all of them every new years eve? haaha. i do. i used to hate it. but then loved it. such is life.

anyways.

life here in romania? grand. just plain grand.

it's soaked in now that i actually live here. it's kind of crazy. i took a trillion pictures my first few days. and then stopped. because while i loved everything, it seemed so normal. and like i already had a picture of things. but today i definitely did some good work in making up for the week. but we'll see.

there are crosses up on the mountain. it reminds me of what i've heard about that they have in brazil.

anyway. i love this place.

avec plaisir!

friday was more calm. and my kiddies were too. good thing. i was slightly nauseous at the beginning of the morning, and feared the worst. but it turned out to be a good day. also, popcorn popping was a favorite. they loved it.

hospital. babies. need i say more? yeah, i know. also, i've had so much practice with diaper changing just this week? by the end of the summer i'll be able to set records. haahaha. love them kiddies.

last night. best part of being in romania so far. i know, big statement, huh? just you wait.
after skyping with megan and rosemary (program directors), we decided to go on an adventure to find kaufland (a store kind of like smith's, or something? i don't know quite how to describe it. just a grocery store.) anndd we might have had no idea exactly where we were going. we just knew a general direction. so we walked. and walked. and when we thought we should have found it, we asked some people on the street. and they led us in a given direction. so we walked some more.

after a bit of winding through the streets of iași, and a whole lot of me loving that i live in europe. i was walking the streets of europe. and it seemed so natural to me. welp, we were confused again as to why we had yet to run across this silly place! never fear. at the next intersection, we asked a fellow walking past, unde este kaufland? don't you fret. this guy parted from the friend he was walking with, and motioned for us to follow! don't freak out family. there was a big group of us. completely safe. and then upon realizing we definitely didn't know a ton of romanian, he kind of laughed and said, i know french, not english. can i repeat that? FRENCH. i know. so he and i had a nice little chat as he led us there. nothing big. mostly marveling that we both knew french. and then he told me how he did. and asked us why we were going to kaufland. and then said he had to go home and talk to his family. maybe more. maybe less. i don't remember fully at this point. but seriously. i was in love with life. times a million. and concluded that i could live in europe for the rest of my life, living a life like this if it were in france. you know, where i actually can fully understand life. long story short? made my life. really. i love this place. it was surreal. and beyond hilarious. i love being in europe.

kylee is obviously super stylish. all. the. time. it kills us.

well, ok. michael probably doesn't care. but whatever. you get the idea.

our goal at kaufland? get stuff to make chocolate chip cookies! slash chocolate to break up since they don't have chocolate chips here. welp, they don't have brown sugar either. soo they weren't the best cookies ever. but. they were pretty good. and it was a nice little evening to end our first week!
week one: CHECK!
ten to go! will it go by too fast? probably definitely. then again, this week felt like the longest of my life. but then suddenly it was over. it's going to go too fast. i can tell. i keep telling myself i have three more months still. and then i realize i've now been here almost two weeks, and after next week, we only have 2 months left! oh my dear. keep being kind to me, romania. i'm lovin it. straight up. dead serious. love.

next goal? figure out how to not be so tired all the time. ready, set, go. there's just too much to see!

it didn't steal your laughter.

we just had a long chat. the roommates and me.

it was so good. i have no words.

within it, roslyn made a suggestion.

a brilliant idea of a song - a motto, if you will - for our group to adopt for our time in romania.

it's a perfect description.

beautiful.

in the end, only kindness (and we would add, love) matters.

hands.

"If I could tell the world just one thing,

It would be that we're all ok.

And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

And useless in times like these.

I won’t be made useless.

I won't be idle with despair.

I will gather myself around my faith,

For light does the darkness most fear.

My hands are small, I know

But they're not yours, they are my own.

...

And I am never broken.

Poverty stole your golden shoes,

It didn't steal your laughter.

And heartache came to visit me,

But I knew it wasn't ever after.

We'll fight, not out of spite.

For someone must stand up for what's right

'Cause where there's a man who has no voice.

There ours shall go singing.

My hands are small I know,

But they're not yours, they are my own.

...

I am never broken.

In the end only kindness matters.

...

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray.

...

My hands are small I know,

But they're not yours, they are my own.

...

And I am never broken.

My hands are small I know,

But they're not yours, they are my own.

...

And I am never broken.

We are never broken.

We are God's eyes.

God's hands.

God's mind.

We are God's eyes.

God's hands.

God's heart.

We are God's eyes.

God's hands.

God's eyes.

...

We are God's hands."

jewel, hands.