oppositions.

“anyone looking into my diary expecting to find a day-by-day account of rescuing children would be stunned. it is, rather, a narrative of defeats, disappointments, unbelievable betrayals, discouragements, frustrations, obstacles, criticisms and weariness. scattered among those are the few successes that have made it all worthwhile. it has definitely been panning for gold: much effort expended and tons of sand processed to gain a few precious flakes.”

john kachelmyer,romanian child activist

i couldn't have said it better myself. honestly, every day is filled with all those feelings at some time or another, but every day is also filled with moments that are like little kisses. reminders of the goodness that romania is. we started our third week of work this week, and i already am feeling the gold rush in.

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"opposition brings concord. out of discord comes the fairest harmony."

heraclitus of ephesus

today was a day of opposition for me. as in opposites.
i didn't really sleep last night. and am still sick. and was kind of weary just thinking about the day ahead of me. BUT. guess what? today was probably one of my best days yet there. if not the very best one. it was so good. so so good.
i went outside with my three lovely walking kiddies for the first time in a few days, met a new worker (new to me, not section 2. naturally.), and my kids were all on the trampoline. and when i went over to the tramp to see them, they all came over to the edge of it towards me (there's one of those netting/safety thingies around it. never fear.) and were excited to see me! well, excited in the way they get excited. it was completely darling.
the temperatures/humidity levels here do this weird thing where they suddenly seem to go up, but then stay at that steady heat. until they go up again. which has been happening this week. so my kids were in shorts and t-shirts! this is kind of an enormous deal. usually they have long pants, sometimes long-sleeve shirt. and a jacket when they go outside. and it's been pretty hot the whole time. yeah, they're like little ovens. anyway. it was so cute. and my girls were both wearing overalls. one of them had bright yellow ones, with a shirt with bright multi-colored dinosaurs underneath it. essentially, you should know it was the cutest sight in the world. at one point, i was pushing both of them on swings right next to each other, and the one in bright yellow overall shorts was singing to herself random tunes. and the other kept saying wee as she swung. and sometimes when they came towards me i'd tickle them, so they'd giggle like crazy. have i melted your heart yet? it was probably the cutest thing in the world. ok, so it completely was. believe you me. i experienced a few moments of heavenly bliss. complete, carefree, happy, summertime bliss. actually, the following quote describes it quite well. i'm on a roll with quotes tonight, i guess.

"there are moments that i know i will long for, even as i live them."

judith katzir

that's what kind of moments they were. there were times when i felt like i was already longing for it to return, and it hadn't left yet. and could picture myself thinking back to that moment often. which i already have many times today.

when we came back inside, i made the rounds to my bed and chair kiddies while the walkers were washing up and at masa (snacktime/lunch). all of which were in rather pleasant dispositions. and whilst i was singing to my back three, my walkers returned. and thus resumed the clapping, wheels on the bus, and popcorn popping. and other tunes.

and then for awhile, my boy went down to nap, so it was me and the girls. one in my lap, one standing behind me on the bed i was sitting on. and the worker in a nearby chair. she went through animals and what sounds they make with them. and then had them saying different words, like going through the names of all the kids in the room. it was adorable. and when they say my name, it's probably ten kinds of hilarious. em-eh-meh. eh-neh-neh. that's kind of what it sounds like. i'm thinking we'll try and stick with em. one girl has it down, the other is still working on it.

the lady working in my room today gave me a little cake thingy with strawberry in it that they sell here. it was delicious. and i didn't want to eat it right away while my girls were hanging on me. but they kept finding it, so finally she walked by and told me to eat it, and the girls to leave me. but they seriously looked hilarious as they watched me eat. they were watching in rapture. probably you had to be there. but i thought it was hilarious. they were being so funny today.

other cute thing: someone, somewhere (i think it's one of the workers) taught one of my girls to give massages. if you're sitting down, she'll come up and say 'massage?' and she'll massage your back and neck with her little hands. i can't even really explain it very well. but it's completely hilarious. whenever she says that i start laughing. and occasionally agree to her cute baby little fists pounding my back.

essentially, if you wanted to put the past many words and paragraphs into a smaller and simpler sentence, it would be this: i just kind of completely adore my kids and being here with them.

there's something magic about my kids. i'll feel sick before getting there and as i walk in. and then as i'm leaving the sick returns. whether it's being sick like right now, or just nauseous from some of the scents. but when i'm with them? i forget all of that and am completely and totally focused on them. i love that.

welp, the magic wore off as i was leaving, as it usually does. and when i'm sick, the results of this are more dramatic.

i fell asleep during lunch after writing in my journal and eating a sandwich. well, fell asleep as well as i could. kind of like last night. it was painstaking. anyway. and i even considered not going to the hospital again, but i essentially knew i needed to. and felt guilty missing 2 days in a row, when i knew i could do it, even if i was enormously tired.

at the beginning, i slightly regretted going. it seemed to be an average day there. and in the first room we were in, sweat was literally dripping off my face endlessly. you would think after a certain point you'd stop sweating? yeah. nope. it kept on dripping. i was quite a sight. of that i'm sure. crazy, greasy, sweaty hair. sweat dripping down my face. the usual lack of makeup which would do no good in this place anyway. yeah. cute picture to imagine, i know. point was, i was super hot. and not feeling so hot. and as great as the hospital smells, i might have been near throwing up a few times.

but then amanda and i went up to the next floor. and on one wing met a little boy, that might have changed my life. and might have made me want to cry. he's seven. and was quite distant, not really wanting much to do with us. but after awhile he moved from being in the hall back to his room, and was willing to let us stay with him. and didn't want to do anything we offered. and after a few minutes was suddenly crying. his mom had left him there that day. we're obviously not entirely sure of the whole story, thanks to our limited romanian. but we definitely caught the basics. and while we're not entirely sure of the complete verity of everything he said, it was still enormously sad. i'm not going to give details here. i feel like that's too much. but he was the sweetest boy. and handsome. but he just kept crying. so we rubbed his back, and tried to hug him. and tried to distract him. i can't think of another day that i've said te iubesc or te iubim more than i did today. and after spending over an hour with him, and making sure he actually wanted us there, he kept saying nu plecați! nu plecați! (don't leave!) and we promised we'd come back to him tomorrow. part of me hopes he's there tomorrow so we can see him. but another part of me wishes more that he won't be there, and that there's a happy ending to his story. not the sad one i fear.

(the clouds and sunset last night were spectacular. as can be seen. pictures definitely don't do justice, though.)

tonight i bought more apple juice. and had some shaorma. and gelato! lemon and chocolate. it's probably unfair to the universe how cheap things are for us here thanks to the super great exchange rate. i'm thoroughly glad they aren't using euros here yet. for the sake of all of our bank accounts.

obviously today was not all good. nor was it all bad. but it was just right. more than just right. it was excellent. it's the harder things that make the good ones all the more sweet. and today? today was a very sweet day.

"if we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant;

if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

anne bradstreet